Season 2, Ep. 04

Italia Conti, Continued.

 I'm gonna use a more festive colour to type this episode due to the holidays. Ha. 

 Hi! How you doin'? Counting down till Friday? I am! I'm actually cheating and decided to open first presents on Christmas Eve. Hashtag, sorry not sorry.

 Anyhoo, where were we. Oh, apologies for derailing the subject last week, but, you know, Ed Sheeran. 

So my time at the Drama College was definitely a big chapter. There were a lot of firsts. No, not those firsts. One of them was my first big panic attack. You know, like the panic attacks you get where you can't breathe and you squeal like a fox trying to gasp for air and at the same time you can't shut up, you just have to try to form sentences? Yeah that.

 I was always into my Ballet, it was after all my first form of art that I got into. I started as soon as I could walk and I just kept progressing until deep into my teens when I became so passionate I was taking extra summer courses abroad at Ballet Schools. So when I got into Italia Conti, and one of our classes was a Ballet class, almost every morning, I was bound to be one of the good ones. Good so far? Okay. Now, the teacher that handled the advanced ballet class was a typical British woman-'nough said- with her posh accent and her tough love approach. Think J. K. Simmons on Whiplash. Classic right? The tough teacher who pushes the talent and makes their life a living hell so they are ready to face whatever is out there once they graduate etc etc...classic right? Yeah, kinda like that. No bleeding fingers, maybe toes. Hashtag pointe shoes.

 So, I was getting told off and corrected over the smallest arm move mistake, leg, hip, knee, pointy toe mistake...breathing mistake. I had actually been "trained" to deal with this "type" of teachers early on, as my ballet teacher during my teens wasn't exactly a softie either, but did his job amazingly. But I wasn't ready for this woman, oh no. You see, apparently my focusing and listening face  came across as defensive and uninterested at the time. And that was the problem. You know not to take it personally being attacked and corrected for your technique because you know the  teacher sees something in you and that's why they're pushing you, but when suddenly you're told these exact words: "you are so uninterested, and look like you do not care Katerina", oh I remember this like yesterday, it totally hits the crap out of you. 

And you do such a good job reacting professionally and mature and walking out at the end of the class with your head high after of course you have said back 'no way, I am very interested'. You walk out and you feel so mature for not breaking down or even tearing up. And then your fellow class mates go "unbelievable what happened in there, I don't know how you did it, I probably would have had a meltdown right there if that happened to me". And here. We. Go. It's exactly the same when you are not okay, do an awesome job holding it in until someone asks if you're okay and the waterfalls start. 

 The more I sat there weeping and boiling, the worse it became, you know how women work, they sit there overthinking everything and end up frying their brains out. And that was it, the whole thing had taken its toll by then for me and so I storm back in the room while she was still there packing up and threw THE LOUDEST and funniest, tantrum ever. Have never done this to a man, but yeah sure, I did it to my Ballet instructor. I sat her down and started mouthing with much little sense words like "how do you dare telling me that I am not interested, I work hard!!" and things like that, until the panic attack from all the pressure that everyone goes through at those Drama Colleges hit me hard. No need to describe it again, just re-read paragraph 3 if you need. And that's when she held me tight, helped me breathe normally again, calm down, get over myself, and told me the same thing. She pushed me because she saw something and the face thing. Well she had better warned me about it as soon as she noticed before it would be too late apparently. Imagine being in at a job, at an audition and looking at the director with an "uninterested and defensive" expression. Fair enough. 

 Needless to say that this woman became my mentor and tutor till the end of the year, whenever we had or needed one to one time with our mentor for advice she was the one I would run to. To this day she is the person I respect the most out of that school, won't forget and are still friends on Facebook with-lol. As a mentor and a teacher myself, even if clearly everyone has their own approach and chemistry with their students, her honesty is what I've taken away from her. Thank you.

Take this time to enjoy your Christmas. Take this time to be with the ones you love, take this time to appreciate what you have. You can start complaining again next week. Ta. Merry Christmas!~

Katerina